Dilemma Of Abusive Relationship


Girls’ Gist With Oyin…Where We Mend it!














I had gone to the hair salon that Sunday afternoon to make my hair, where I met a friend. As would be expected we got down to the ‘’ladies stuffs’’ (talking). We had a lot to talk about while waiting to be attended to. From one topic to another, but the one that attracted my interest most was the case of her friend who was in an abusive relationship and was not ready to let go of it, despite the battering and emotional abuse she was going through. This got me thinking real deep!

It’s a known fact that generally, women have the ability to endure more than men in relationships.

Based on her story, the victim (the lady) is taking a lot into consideration. She’s thinking about her man, reaction of the society, considering their children. For these and many more reasons, she decides to stick to the relationship, even when it seems ‘’obvious’’ that the decision is detrimental to her person. She thinks first of her loved ones before herself and based on that she continues to endure and tolerate whatever treatment she gets from her man. It is only on rare occasions would you see a woman decide to let go.

Love endures all things! But what do you do when faced with an almost impossible situation? Where do you draw the line between ENDURANCE and LETTING-GO? How do we know it has gone beyond what we can handle by being patient, believing and expecting the situation to get better only for it to worsen and in some cases, result into physical & mental disabilities even untimely death.



Personally, I believe a relationship is meant to be enjoyed and not endured, but unfortunately the reverse is the case as lots of ladies out there are actually enduring their relationships instead of enjoying it as intended by God. I have come to realize that quite a number of these ladies harbour so much bitterness within but pretend to be happy while the pain and hurt can be seen in their eyes. This really hurts as they go through physical/emotional and verbal abuses with no one to turn to for fear of being seen and rejected as outcasts.

An abusive relationship is one in which the victim is maltreated, humiliated, battered and made to feel worthless both emotionally and verbally. These acts do have a devastating effect on ladies as they bring about low self esteem, depression and suicidal tendencies at times.

Physical abuse, which has to do with battering can be easily detected unlike the other two which are more subtle as they are systematic and have to do with the attitude of the man towards the woman. These cannot be easily detected and they do a lot more damages.

In any case, none of these, be it physical, verbal or emotional abuse, should anyone be made to suffer.

Ladies, kindly bear in mind, that you are beautiful creatures of God, fearfully and wonderfully made. You are not destined to be punching bags. Learn to love yourself; it is not a sin to do so. We cannot claim to love someone else when we don’t love ourselves. You can’t give out what you don’t have. Being beaten and humiliated is not a sign that he loves you, hell no!!! It only reflects the fact that he is a coward and a bully. If he truly loves you, he would never raise his hands at you, nor humiliate and make you feel worthless. Any man who does this is only a weakling, suffering from inferiority complex and who feels he is in control.

There are several ways of sorting issues out in a relationship. VIOLENCE is definitely not one. The moment it starts, the possibility of it not happening again is nil. Once it starts, it rarely stops. I know ladies who have ended up blind, incapacitated to mention but a few, due to all sort of abuses. Do not keep quiet, if it is a relationship you can’t get out of immediately, but if it is one which you can easily excuse yourself, seek for help and do so. It’s better for you to be alive and alone, than to be in a relationship with your life at risk. ‘’A living dog is better than a dead Lion,’’ they say.

Ladies, if you think you are in such relationship, please check yourselves NOW!

This forum is not to incite anyone, rather, it is designed to educate ourselves, share our experiences/pains and jointly seek solutions to them. However, it must be said, that abusive relationship most times causes irreparable damages, not only to the life of the victim, but also to those of their loved ones, especially children. For this reason, we condemn in totality, any form of abuse on womanhood.

Having said all that, I must however, note that some women can really push men to the wall, but what makes that man a REAL man, is the ability to show maturity through RESTRAINTS, ENDURANCE and TOLERANCE (RET). This reminds me of one of my upcoming articles, titled ‘’The REAL MAN,’’ so, watch out!

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