Girls Gist With Oyin … Where We Mend it!
Growing up as kids, we all had one thing or the other that we were scared of. This could be the fear of the dark, closed places or even being left alone for too long. These fears vary, just as our faces are different. Most times, what we are scared of are just figment of our imaginations which we give life to by making them appear so real. This deprives us of so much joy and tends to sap our positive energy and consequently render us negative minded and insecure.
Based on this understanding, fear, they say is “FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL”. Unconsciously, we put in so much energy into these fears that we eventually bring to pass what we have been worried about or afraid of. This is the power of thoughts. We experience fear in our relationships and it is expressed in acts of jealousy.So, what exactly is jealousy? Despite being reassured of your loved one’s unwavering affection, why the pang of jealousy when your partner relates with the opposite sex? Is it a normal feeling when in love? These questions and how to curb the excesses of jealousy are what we are about to talk about.
It is that feeling of suspicion, insecurity, fear and worry that we experience when we see our partners interacting with the opposite sex. We become so afraid that we would be replaced with someone better, smarter or more beautiful than we are and we become angry, insecure and possessive. We become very suspicious of them and try to keep tabs on them in order to know every of their acts even when we are not with them. Personally, I believe when truly in love we all want to protect our partners and have them to ourselves alone, which isn’t a bad idea after all, God in whose likeness and image we were created is a jealous God, but managing this feeling of jealousy positively is what makes the difference.
It is quite imperative to know the root cause of jealousy so we can effectively manage and bring it under control, otherwise we would continue to beat around the bush. Lack of SELFCONFIDENCE is one root cause of jealousy in a relationship. Having doubts about your skills or abilities and feeling he would probably get someone better than you. A poor self-image combined with lack of self-confidence will ultimately lead to feeling insecure in a relationship.
Fear of REJECTION is also another cause. Being Afraid of ending up alone or the fear of losing the love of your partner to another.
Having identified these, how do we now manage and effectively control those feelings? One, DISCOVER who you are and learn to love yourself just the way you are. Build up your CONFIDENCE level, add as much value as you can to yourself and know that you are unique in your own way. God has created you beautifully and wonderfully too. Don’t COMPARE yourself with others and just be the best God has ordained you to be. Be reassured that your partner loves you just the way you are, not you being a reflection of someone else.
Apart from that, choose to TRUST and believe your partner no matter what. When that feeling comes, face it by choosing to trust your partner anyway. Remember, you are committed to making the relationship work. Don’t allow your feelings of insecurity create a gulf between you two. Trust and stay committed, because you believe it is a cause worth fighting for and your partner knowing you trust him would not want to betray that trust. Resolve not to give in to that urge of suspicion, it will only destroy the beautiful relationship you both have.
Finally, remember jealousy will only fill you with anger, hatred and consequently destroy your relationship. I bet you don’t want to have all that negative emotions within you. It does no good for your health. Even in cases where it is evident that he is actually fooling around, resolve not to allow that ugly feeling take the better of you. Then be prepared to live your life with or without him. Trust me, quitting sometimes, is not the best solution, especially when you have already invested your time, energy, resources and most importantly, EMOTION. These are some of the reasons you need to build your confidence and self-esteem. If after giving all these, and the worst happens, you will be glad you did. Be more real and authentic and I bet you he would never want to lose you! So, go ahead, be yourself and enjoy a fulfilling relationship with your loved one!