Girls’ Gist With Oyin… Where We Mend it!
It’s so good loving’ somebody
And somebody loves you back
To be loved and be loved in return
It’s the only thing that my heart desires
Just appreciate the little things I do
Oh, you’re the one who’s got me inspired
Keep on lifting’, lifting’ me higher…
The lyrics of the popular song by Teddy Pendergrass couldn’t have described it better. The need to love and be loved back. Love is reciprocal and anything short of this can be quite frustrating, as well as devastating for the couple. How do we get our partners to keep expressing love to us after being together for quite a while? Recall we discussed some tips on spicing up our romance when we think it has gone cold, last week. Here is the concluding part to rekindling that flame that had long gone out. Like I have always said, Love is a two way street. It takes the effort of both parties to make it work; however, do we now sit and fold our arms all because our partners are not doing their part and let things go awry? Agreed, it does take two to tango, how do we make our loved ones know they also need to put in their best to make the relationship successful and enviable? How do we get them to understand that the way they express their love and affections for us will either bring out the beauty or the beast in us and vice versa?
Ladies, we have got what it takes within us to make our partners respect and love us. So, let’s get down to work. One, show him respect and love; if we want our men to love and respect us, it is our responsibility to do the same to them. Respecting or submitting to him doesn’t take anything out of you; it shows your strength as a woman and how much confidence you have in his ability as a man to take decisions and that rightly too. Even when he makes mistakes, don’t be quick to judge or castigate him. Remember, he is only human and so not perfect. Your understanding attitude will make him want to do more to impress and make you happy and also boost his confidence where you are concerned. Communication is a very important tool that shouldn’t be undermined in a successful relationship. You hurt because he is probably not reciprocating the affection and love you are giving him and as emotional beings that we are, instead of positive and constructive communication; we begin to respond with complaints, nags and worse of all, destructive silence, which would only further aggravate an already bad situation.
My suggestion; know your man enough to know when and how it’s appropriate to discuss with him. No matter how tempting this might be, don’t give room to anger when doing this. This might sometimes be difficult, but just try giving it your best shot and make them understand how you feel and how positively this will affect your relationship in bringing out the best in both of you, if they could just make an extra effort. And if you goofed in anyway while doing this do not hesitate to apologise!
Make him your hero. We all know men are egoistic in nature and one of the ways you can get through to him is by making him know how much he means to you. Don’t overdo it by telling him 30times a day how much you love him. The idea is to make him understand as much as it is reasonably possible, that he has a special place in your heart that no one can take. Make him feel like a king and very importantly, give him space! You definitely don’t want him feeling he can’t socialize with friends and have a life outside the relationship. Let him see confidence oozing out of you and that you really can stand on your own if the need arises. He will not want to lose you.
Having said all these, we need to understand that the changes we desire won’t happen suddenly. At times, it might become frustrating but the strength that keeps us going is the faith we have had in the relationship from the onset. In times like this, the need to PRAY and patiently PERSEVERE becomes paramount. Remember, God is the only one that can truly touch anyone’s heart and effect the necessary changes desired. Even the scriptures attest to this “The heart of a king is in the hands of the Lord, and like the course of a river he turns it wherever he pleases.”
Conclusively, do unto your partner as much as you would like him do unto you. Never take him for granted and make him feel threatened. If he doesn’t get the attention and love from you, possibilities are that he will get them elsewhere. Do not let this happen! Love him! Respect him! Cherish him while you patiently pray and persevere! Nothing good comes easy. So keep loving and believing in your man!