Girls Gist With Oyin…Where We Mend it!
Friends! They come in different shapes and sizes.Friends that make life more interesting or make life a living hell. There are friends that stick closer than brothers. These are friends you know have gotten your back when things go awry. They stand by you through whatever situation you find yourself no matter how difficult it is. In the same vein we have the fair weather friends who are only with us when the going is good. When we seem to be enjoying life and trials appear to be far from us; but at the slightest signs of challenges they disappear or worse still, they add to the pain by their words of discouragement or help in pulling us down further. They seem to rejoice at our misfortunes.
Friendship, like every other association we find ourselves is supposed to add value to us and this value, whether added or not is largely dependent on the type of friend we keep. They either add or drain us of the value we already have and this can either make or mar our love relationship. To a reasonable extent, the saying is indeed true “Birds of a feather, flock together.’’ The type of friends we keep defines our personality. Having said this, you will agree with me that friends are necessary part of our lives. Man is a social animal and as such not meant to live in isolation. How do we now manage our friendship and ensure it is adding the supposed value to us and not otherwise? Most importantly, how do we guard against our friends becoming a thorn in the flesh of our love life? Where do we draw the line between our love relationship and our friendship?
From a personal standpoint, I think being in a committed love relationship should not prevent us from having good and positive friends. The important thing is, knowing how important they both are to us and prioritize which comes before the other. And the parties in both relationships should be understanding enough to know where they stand and play along with us. As Ladies, who are matured and independent enough to be in serious relationships we need to understand that there issues that are not meant to aired in the open amongst friends especially when we have doubts about certain friends. There are occasions when we feel a need to share our pain and seek counsel. I would advise in such situation, seek counsel from a close friend you know would have better understanding of your pain and will give you counsel with no biased feelings. Even at that, the decision to apply the advice solely lies with you, and that is why you have an independent mind. For example, as a married lady, seek counsel from a married friend like you who has a positive attitude to life.
Also, do not speak ill about your partner with friends, no matter how much you hurt. This always have a rebounding negative effect as your friends might start disrespecting your and you would not like that. Try as much as possible to keep your relationship secret from your friends, the only exception to this rule is when your life or his life is in danger or the relationship has become abusive. As long as you value your love relationship, there’s room for friends and its important your partner knows this. Try not to be the over possessive. This may play out against you in him not wanting you to be with friends too. Allow him time with his friends. Be open enough to him about your outings with your friends so as to avoid unnecessary suspicion and accusations. Both of you should understand that having positive and well meaning friends around you, will eventually make you a well rounded person.
There is a great need for us to assess and analyze our friends and know if truly they are good or bad friends. Being able to discern who they are will saving us a lot of pain if need be and we would be happier for it. As many that you know are not living up to the standard of good friends, you may need to devise a means of detaching yourself from them and honestly, you will be glad you did. Like gardens, our relationship with our partners and friends needs tending. Take out time to cautiously weed out any unwanted elements.
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” never abandon your friends in their trying periods. Remember what goes around comes around. Be a true friend, whose shoulder your friends can lean on when facing challenges. You will need them too at some point in your life time.
Finally, Ladies there is a need for us to balance our relationship both with our partners and our friends. Some of our friends have been with us even before our partner came along. We shouldn’t abandon them, except when we feel the energy they are releasing has become negative around us. Your friends should respect your private life just as you do theirs. Don’t entertain unnecessary interference. Learn to appreciate your good friends, do without the bad ones and make your man the happiest man in the world to have been blessed with a woman such as you who has a good and positive blend of friends.