Girls’ Gist With Oyin… Where We Mend it!
Experience, they say ‘’is the best teacher.’’ Not just one’s personal experience, I would say but that of friends and loved ones. We don’t need to necessarily wait for some things to happen to us before we learn our lessons or prevent similar incidents from happening. Such is the case of a story related to me by a friend. Sandra had been married to her husband for twelve years and they lived together as a happy couple. She had no reason whatsoever to doubt her husband’s love and care for her and her kids. He was always there for her and did what every responsible husband should do for his family. Unfortunately, Sandra lost her husband after a brief illness. It was a really sad situation as Sandra found it difficult to come to terms with the fact that her beloved husband was no more; but she had to face the reality.
Still dealing with the shock of the sudden demise of her loved one, and only a few days to the burial ceremony, Sandra got the shock of her life. In what seemed like a Nollywood movie, the widow was introduced to another woman with her three kids, as wife and children of her (Sandra’s) late husband. She was told by her in-laws, who led the strangers into her matrimonial home that the woman and her kids had come to perform their rites as the rightful family members of the deceased. According to her in-laws, the woman and her grown up children were the genuine family members of Sandra’s late husband, who had been living abroad. Upon hearing the news, Sandra momentarily passed. All she could do after regaining consciousness was weep. The strange woman had a certificate to back her claim of being the legal wife of the deceased. Also, her kids were much older than Sandra’s.
My dear friend, Sandra, had lived with her ‘’husband’’ for years without being legally married to each other. Yes, they had the traditional family introduction, but that was not enough to protect either Sandra or her children in this situation as the deceased never saw death coming, so, he had no will. Without a will, apparently, Sandra and her children are not protected from the scourge of her in-laws and the so-called ‘’legal wife.” My friend could not believe that her loving husband of twelve years was actually married all along. Not knowing what to do or who to turn to, Sandra began to count her loss, as it is evident that the odds were against her.
This is no fiction. It is a true-life story and the sad news is that a lot of women out there go through this pain and agony. Though not necessarily in the same order, but incidents similar to this happen to us and we find ourselves in dire circumstances that we have little or no control over. In just the twinkling of an eye, it seems as if the whole world has come crashing down on us. And we continually ask ourselves ‘’why?’’ Ladies, how do we put a stop to the pains and sufferings we allow ourselves go through as a result of our ignorance or, at times naivety? How do we prevent incidents such as this from happening to us, and our loved ones? It’s true, we cannot predict tomorrow, but we can prepare against unpleasant eventualities in a way that the effect on us would be minimal.
To every lady out there, I suggest that you aspire to be independent before getting committed to a relationship. The ability to take care of yourself and loved ones if need be, is very essential. Add as much value as you can to yourself. Be “Virtuous Woman.” An independent woman would be able to stand on her feet in case of unpleasant situation that might arise in the course of the relationship. Women sometimes get carried away with the euphoria of ‘’finally our soul mates’’ that we tend to ignore some important issues that need to be addressed. Most time, due to fear of losing out, we accept to be in a relationship with conditions that are not favourable to us. For example: Living together as lovers and eventually having kids with no proper steps taken to legalise the union and formally secure ourselves. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to castigate or judge anyone for any mistake that might have occured, rather my intention is to draw our attentions to how such unpleasant situations could be avoided.
No one knows it all, that’s true, but the desire to learn from ones mistakes and those of people around and the ability to make necessary corrections help prevent unfortunate situations that could cause deep pain and sorrow. It’s high time we started doing things the right way, develop a strong bond with our Maker as He alone can direct us through the right path and help us choose a right.
To cap it all, ensuring we make the right decisions with our eyes wide open without allowing our emotions becloud our sense of reasoning. To those that have fallen victim of such situation, I pray God gives you the strength and courage to forge ahead and overcome all obstacles you might find along your path. You can start all over again, and rightly too because you are fearfully and wonderfully made! You have the seed of greatness in you irrespective of what you have gone through. The sky is your take off point! Love you all!!!!