Girls’ Gist With Oyin … Where We Mend It!
As we journey through life, we have the opportunity to meet different people who have made either positive or negative impacts in our journey. Whichever way we look at it, our experiences with these individuals have added value to us. For those who have been blessings to us, we surely wouldn’t want to burn the bridge with them and those who have taught us lessons the hard way, they simply put us on the road, they make us stronger and better in life. Though, we may no longer want to associate with them, but we must remember that whatever experience we had was surely for our own good. After all, there is no gain without pain.
It’s a fact that life is all about taking risks. That one wakes up every morning and goes out in search of daily bread is a risk, as no one is sure of what the day and the future holds for us but we launch into the day believing and hoping that the best would come our way. This is not farther from the truth even in our relationship. We meet total strangers, develop soft spot for them and they form important parts of our life in a way that we no longer can imagine life without them. Loving someone totally with all of our being is a great risk which can be likened to giving a total stranger a loaded pistol to point at us, while believing and trusting them enough not to pull the trigger. But the question is; what if they shoot by error or even on purpose? How do we handle the pain that comes with loving someone so passionately? Does the hurt and pain they cause erode the love and trust we have for them? What happens, when despite the pain they have caused, we still cannot imagine life without them?
Does it mean that you are a weakling when you can’t stop loving someone that inflicts pain on you? Or have you decided to love him, saying, ‘’no one is perfect?’’
A lot of ladies and even men have a thing or the other to say about the hurt or pain associated with loving someone. Loving another person means exposing our vulnerability and we tend to get hurt by some of their actions because they mean so much to us or simply because we expect too much from them. No one gets hurt by someone who means nothing to them. As beautiful as a rose flower is, its stem is covered in thorns. Gold is indeed precious and desired by everyone that comes across it but it has to be refined through fire before it’s beauty is revealed. This is same for true love, you experience a lot of pains and disappointments along the way, but eventually a couple come out shining like gold after weathering the storm together. The ability to manage pain determines the success of the relationship.
However, there is a need to analyse situations, know the causes of pain/hurt and determine if it is really worth enduring or if it’s a subtle sign that you need to let go and move on with your life. In analysing the relationship and the situation, there is also a need to be honest with yourself and your partners. Be sure of the level of commitment from both of you to the relationship. Is your partner as committed as you are to the overall good of your being together? If yes, then ask; why the change in attitude that is causing the pain? There is bound to be friction in every human relationship. Your relationship is not an exception. Your pain may be due to this friction, but the ability to manage it and place the overall good of the relationship over your selfish desires will surely bring about improvement.
Having analysed the situation, it is now left for you as an individual to either endure the hurt, knowing it will come to pass and make way for the emergence of a more fulfilling relationship or you realise the need to be strong enough to face reality and move on with your life. Either way, the decision lies in your hands. Think deeply and do the right thing with no regrets. It is important to communicate your feelings of hurt/pain to your partner. Do this with a view to understanding them by putting yourself in their shoes. Try to see things their own way too, so you could understand the reason behind their actions. Remember, talking with your partner is to proffer solutions to unwanted situations, therefore, resolve in your heart not to trade blames as this would only make your partner become defensive. He might be forced to damn the consequences of his actions and dare you to do your worst.
You wear the shoe and you alone know where it hurts. Face the reality, no matter how harsh it may be and go through the pain process with the conviction of a better and proven relationship in view. You may also need to move on, if, and I mean only if you are convinced that staying in the relationship is no longer healthy for both of you. If it ever comes to this, don’t blame yourself. The earlier you realise this hard part and work towards getting over the pain, the better for you.
Love indeed is a sweet and wonderful experience, but it can also be painful; even at that, never give up on LOVE for it is real and it does exist.
Love brings out the best in you! A fun filled weekend to you all!!!
Love you loads!